© Grant Hindsley 2009
Far too often we get caught up in the endless cycle of competition. If we’re not ahead , many times we become stale and depressed. Our obsession with comparing ourselves to others, has left us feeling dejected and alone. If someone else succeeds, we secretly wish it was us rather than them. I know I’ve felt this way plenty of times. But why?
Comparing yourself to others is a worthless cause. While competition can provide for some solid motivation every now and then, the truth is your only competition is you.
It’s taken me a while to realize this, and in some regards I’m still learning, but you must focus on only the things you can control. Over the past few years I’ve worked on taming my ego and have seen tremendous results as in the process. Instead of wasting my time comparing myself to others , I’ve learned to focus on only what I can change, me. That’s not to say I don’t keep up with other personal development blogs or care whats going on in the world. But rather I’ve simply dropped my obsession with knowing what others are doing. To provide value you must focus on creating not comparing.
Set High Standards
If you want to succeed in anything, it is essential that you set high standards for yourself. These standards must be defined by you, not your family, not your friends but you. Only you know what you’re capable of. Be brave and be bold. Failure is your friend.
Having high expectations for yourself conditions you to succeed. Does that mean you will always come out on top? Of course not. But having high standards at leasts positions you so you have a chance. For much of my life, my standards for myself were fairly low. I was content with being just OK. Over the years however I realized that deep down I wasn’t OK with just existing. I wanted to stand out. I wanted to contribute in massive ways.
Don’t let excuses keep you from living. You’re bigger than excuses anyway. When you come up short accept the reality and work hard to improve.While it’s perfectly OK to be ordinary realize that you have the power to change your current reality. If you’re not happy with where you are, you can make the choice to grow. If you’re happy with where you are consider yourself lucky and embrace it.
Kill Self Sabotage
Self sabotage is a notorious dream killer. It limits our mind and keeps us grounded when all our soul wants to do is fly. Do what you must to kill self sabotage. Become aware of your thinking. Is it mostly positive? Or is your mind cluttered with dismissive chatter? When you become aware of your thoughts you gain control.
I know when I was growing up self sabotage was my number one adversary. Day in and day out we would have epic battles, many of which I lost. After many inner battles however I discovered my self sabotage was as powerful as I made it. Stop giving your dark side authority.
While you may find it difficult at first, you have the the ability to control your thoughts. Stand up to self sabotage, it’s not as tough as it seems.
Embrace Competition
Don’t be afraid of competition but rather embrace it. This doesn’t mean to compare yourself to others but rather use others success as motivation. If you feel you can do a better job at something, go for it. Of course you won’t always succeed. Just remember failure is future success in disguise.
Don’t beat yourself up if you come up short. Taking a step, even if you fumble, is worth more than having never moved at all. When I see other personal development bloggers succeed I get excited, because I know I can do the same. While I admit I have an occasional serving of jealousy, this is usually when I’m stunned by self sabotage and not in the right state of mind.
Whatever it is you want to do, you have the resources to do so. In the age of technology there is absolutely no excuse as to why you can’t succeed. Use others for motivation but never waste a moment comparing yourself to someone else. The only thing you can completely control is you.
Permission To Take Control
I used to think that in order to be successful I had to be like everyone else. But as we all know that won’t get you anywhere. While it’s perfectly acceptable to model someone, it is essential for you to be authentic and true.
Give yourself permission to take control. Realize that you are 100 percent responsible for your current reality.
Stop wasting your precious time worrying about whats going on around you and instead put all your energy and focus towards creating a better you. Create instead of complaining. Build instead of destroy.
Dare to experiment. Dare to explore.
Your only competition is you.
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often my biggest problem with “me” is doing too much dreaming and not enough actual “doing”. Is alright to have big goals, but there kind of useless unless you’re actually focused and doing something about them.
@Anthony Hey dude! Thanks for stopping by. I’ve been in that same boat before and it’s not pretty. I’m actually writing an article right now on “inspired action” I think you’ll find it interesting.
Dreaming is a good sign. Because when your dreaming you know you’re not completely dead. But dreaming is only the beginning. Take baby steps and your on your way. What are you doing now to make your dreams reality Anthony? I’m interested to hear.
Thanks Bud. At the moment I run Task.fm (www.task.fm) which is what I pour all my effort and time into. Its done very well and been a big success. However it take me a long time to get to this point though and i have to say im now more focused then I’ve ever been.
Retweeted, so true. We, and we alone, are the author of our lives…
@Anthony Fein Very impressive dude. Have faith in yourself! Overnight success takes 10 years
@Brian Papa: thanks man! It was a bit short but I was inspired to write it. Can’t argue with inspiration.
Hey Bud!
I echo Anthony’s comment: we need to balance taking the time to outline our standards and taking action to live up to our standards.
Money quote: “Give yourself permission to take control. Realize that you are 100 percent responsible for your current reality.
Stop wasting your precious time worrying about whats going on around you and instead put all your energy and focus towards creating a better you. Create instead of complaining. Build instead of destroy.”
What a powerful way to end the post. And I thought you were going to add in “Dare to express” at the end there; it seemed like a natural extension of what you were saying
I dig this post, man.
@Brett: Thanks man. While I was supposed to be studying for Chinese I got inspired to write the post. So I went with it.
Keep rocking!
Hi Bud,
Apologies about the guest post, I will get it to you eventually
Great post though and using others success as motivation is essential. I was reading the British “Top 50″ people of the decade this morning and it definitely inspired me of whats possible and not to settle for less then the very best.
Some people fear to be great, these 50 people didn’t and they changed the world.
Hi Bud,
I’ve been lurking here for a few days and I’m not sure if I’ve left a comment until now. I think you have a great point with “Kill Self Sabotage”. We’re all afraid of change, whether we realize it or not. The fear of not knowing keeps us from taking steps that maybe we should be.
If you have time, check out my blog.
Thanks!
LOVE this post!!! I really do feel like my biggest (and only?) competition is ME. I’m the one that holds me back more than anyone or anything else and it’s something I really need to work on. Thanks for writing this one!
Bud,
This is such a good point because competition when people use it the wrong way actually holds people back. I actually once wrote about something called the comparative and competitive disadvantage. I went through a good amount of life comparing myself to my sister. She’s in med school which is the most respected thing you can do in our community. But I realized there’s always going to be somebody who is worse and always somebody who is better, no matter what it is you are doing.
@ Jonny: No worries mate. Take your time. I’d love to see the list.
@Moon: Thanks for stopping by. I’ll be sure to check out your site.
@ Dani: Thanks
@ Srinivas: Yeah dude. Comparing yourself to others.. well it gets you no where. Strive for the best but don’t get upset when you’re knocked off your throne.
Hey Bud.
I like that line there that says “These standards must be defined by you, not your family, not your friends but you.” Good call on that. Following standards defined by someone else is like giving up on our own being.
In relation to what Srinivas was saying there, sometimes others have this notion that they are helping, when they are in fact doing the opposite, and a smart person should change their behavior or attitude when they see that their intent to help is backfiring. Friends or family can be clueless at times, and trying to satisfy them when they don’t understand you is a fruitless endeavor.
It is good for folks to occasionally see if their “help” is actually helping, because fake “help” can do just the opposite.
Glad to read this.
@Armen: Amen dude. More often than not, family and friends mean best but it’s tough because even WE don’t even know whats best sometimes. Your family and friends don’t want to see you fail, because failure often hurts. But in order to really succeed you MUST embrace failure.
Thanks dude for stopping by.
good post my friend…
here is my perspective: the main thing that causes inner conflict for people is that they are always trying to become something…becoming is always in the future hence the conflict…people need to focus on seeing what “is” not what “should be”…this requires a mind that has perception into the here and now…a mind that is extremely sensitive from moment to moment and doesn’t cling…by looking at what “is” without the filters of the past or future, you will a have vertical growth in your consciousness…In the grand scheme of things there is no improving or bettering yourself…take a deep look at who is trying to improve…the thought and the thinker are not separate, but most see that as such and thats what causes the conflict (comparing/competition)…but if you create the necessary space (meditation) to see this inner movement in its entirety, you can transcend it and see what “is” and that is real growth….no becoming just being….your intelligence blossoms
Bud,
Great post. I can relate the most to the self sabotage, it is something that I have been battling for as long as I can remember and still have not conquered this evil demon. I have worked on myself in so many areas but this is the one spot that I seem to be able to conquer. I will keep trying.
Jenn
Hey Bud,
I have recently started doing some home gym programs like the hundred push-ups and the two hundred squats system. For the first few days, I could not feel motivation, and when, at the end of the exercises, I had to do as much push-ups as I could in a row, I always just did the minimum required for the step. Today, as the final set, when it said “max (at least 30)” I did a hundred sit-ups. At 70 I felt like I was going to fall to pieces, but I knew that if I was at a gym and my buddies would see me I could certainly do the 100. Then I decided hey, why! I can do it alone, too. And I did. Not for the others, not to write it down here so you can all see it, I did it for myself and it felt G-R-E-A-T!
Your only competition is you. Absolutely. And in the blogging world that’s even more true!
Zoli
We are our own greatest obstacles! We need to get out of our own way first. Nothing else hinders us anywhere closer than we do to ourselves. Everything else pales in comparison. Yet there is great goodness in this because it also means we are our own greatest potentials! Simply get out of your own way