Out of the many experiences we face in life, saying goodbye is often the most painful. Whether it be saying goodbye when you relocate to a new home, or saying bye to a family member or friend whose last breath is drawing near.
Sometimes we have the privilege to say goodbye and other times people are taken from us in an instant. The fact of the matter is, life is abundant in goodbyes.
A few days ago, I said goodbye to my girlfriend of sixteen months who moved to Switzerland to attend university. I will be attending university in the United States, so it is unlikely I will see her for quite sometime. Because of the distance we have decided to go our separate ways.
Saying bye to my girlfriend is the first of many goodbyes to follow, for my high school career officially ends this Thursday. I will be parting ways with many of my good friends who have made me the person I am today.
Saying goodbye to someone you love is a difficult task, yet with the proper mindset it doesn’t have to be as difficult as we often make it.
Accept your feelings
When saying goodbye it is important that you are honest with yourself and your feelings. Don’t pretend to feel something your not. If your sad, feel sad. If your angry, feel angry. Let your feelings flow.
The worst thing you can do is hide your emotions. The more you resist your feelings the stronger they become.
I would be lying if I said the last few days have been great. My emotions have been anything but stable. I’ve been sad and I’ve been angry yet the important thing is I have allowed myself to feel.
I’ve looked for comfort from my friends. I’ve gone on long walks. I’ve cried more than any teenage male would like to admit, yet with each passing day my perspective has slowly become more empowering. While I miss my girlfriend greatly, my gut instinct continually reminds me everything will be OK.
Everything will always be OK.
Saying goodbye is difficult because our ego craves security. Uncertainty makes our ego sick. The remedy is to remember that security does not exist. Life is full of uncertainty
Often times we cling to our past relationships, thinking that life will never be the same.
” I will never find someone like him/her.”
” He/she was my best friend.”
“I can’t go on with life.”
This flow of negative thought does nothing but greatly slow the recovery process.
The truth is, you will go on, you will meet many more wonderful people in your life time, and you will continue to make the most out of your life.
When you catch yourself thinking these negative thoughts, feel them and let them go, they don’t belong.
I’d be a hypocrite if I said I’ve never found myself thinking negatively. To be honest I’ve struggled immensely these past few days. Does this make me a bad person? No. It makes me human.
Accept your feelings don’t become them.
Be thankful
While it is incredibly easy to get caught up in all the things that the word “goodbye” brings an end to, it is essential that we remain thankful for the moments we were lucky enough to have.
It may be difficult to accept, but it is important to remember that all human relationships eventually come to an end.
Instead of looking at relationships from a purely physical perspective it is important we realize our relationships are much more.
When you accept the fact that no relationship will last forever you can put more energy into living more fully today.
Although our relationships may end physically, spiritually we are always connected.
Now I’ll be the first to admit this abstract concept is rather difficult to comprehend, however for me it has been a very power perspective to adopt.
While saying goodbye may close the physical door, we can always revisit our relationships through our memories.
With regard to my girlfriend and myself, I am eternally grateful for the many wonderful memories we had the opportunity to share. While it was hard to say goodbye, the hundreds of memories we made, were well worth the price.
While my soul is deeply saddened at the inability to now create memories on demand, I realize that we have shared plenty. I already have a plethora of amazing moments to revisit in my mind. Within seconds, I can revisit our first and last kiss. Within seconds, I can revisit the countless nights that we lay searching for the Shanghai stars. Within seconds, I can revisit all the laughter and and all the tears.
Butterflies can’t tell time.
Your memories more powerful than you can imagine. Revisit them frequently and you will find that you have the ability to connect with anyone at anytime, regardless of location.
By being thankful we are able to connect with the true essence of life.
Instead of focusing on what you won’t be able to do in the future take sometime and be thankful for what you have already done.
What about your current relationships are you thankful for?
Write it down. How does it feel?
A new door
For every goodbye comes another hello. Human beings are social creatures that thrive on interaction. To truly function at your highest level requires that you maintain numerous authentic relationships. Accept that goodbyes are a part of life.
Change is constant. Every second, you are a different being. People come into your life and leave just as quickly. The end of a relationship leaves an opportunity to create a new one. With 6 billion people in the world there are plenty of people for you to meet. Things may be different but change is a good thing.
Embracing the unknown is a powerful tool to truly express your potential.
Look at the unknown as an opportunity to grow. Open the new door and step right in.
Will you embrace the unknown?
Coming to peace
While saying goodbye will never be easy, it is important we embrace change with a positive attitude and look to continue forward. Because of today’s technology it is easier than ever to stay in touch.
Are you saying goodbye soon? Take a deep breathe, I promise it will be OK.
Cry. Laugh. Be thankful. Live.
Time heals all pain. New relationships await.
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{ 20 comments… read them below or add one }
Hi Bud,
Your post really brings back a lot of memories. And it’s not just hard saying goodbye to people who are dear to you; sometimes, it’s also hard to say goodbye to a place which you’ve grown accustomed to, or a certain life/lifestyle (e.g. high school days) which you’d have to put down to move on to the next phase in life.
I especially miss the days when I was studying in Australia. It was hard when it was time for me to come back to Singapore and I had to bid farewell to all my friends and the carefree life I’d enjoyed for the 3 years I was there.
Of course, like you said, time heals all pain. This is absolutely true. It just takes patience, sometimes a lot of patience, for time to heal your pain.
Cheers~
Mark
beautiful post bud =)
missing you always
Wonderful post on saying goodbye. It’s such a difficult thing to do, but it has to be done sometimes. I think the most important thing is accepting your feelings. It’s okay to be sad or hurt or whatever you are feeling. Your feelings are yours and you have to accept them for what they are.
Leaving high school and entering college can be a tough transition, especially when it involves losing a partner and moving to another country. As usual, you’re handling this with insight that is well beyond your years. I think it’s great that you’re letting your emotions take their natural course while still trying to stay focused on the “new door.” Keep your head up. The pain will pass and the good memories will remain.
Bud,
Wow this relates to the last few days so much i know. Long walks and deep conversations are always good. I’m sure I will be needed a few of those my self here in a week or so. I will carry this with me for the next week. I’ll miss you!
ABi
hey bud this post is great
always amazes me how well you think things through and help the rest of us out with what you discover.
hope you keep this up through college man
austin
Wow bud this is really inspiring.
Brittany
@Mark: Yes saying goodbye to places and things are equally important. As I move forward in my life I know I will miss the city of Shanghai.
@Fernanda
You inspired me to write it!
@ Positively Present: Absolutely! It is ESSENTIAL that we ACCEPT our feelings rather than suppress them.
@Vin: Thanks for the kind words. It has been difficult but I’ve been managing.. I’m extremely lucky to have had such a wonderful girlfriend. While it is difficult to say goodbye, I’m looking forward to the years to come.
@Abi + Brittany + Austin: I’m glad you found the post useful
I am very impressed Bud. Once again, you have knocked my emotions right on the head. Your gift is amazing and isn’t one a lot of people. You use it well, and you use your words well. =)
good shit man
Good bye & Sorry are 2 hardest words in real life. The hardest thing is never get the chance to say ‘good bye’ to those we care about. So we should always treasure the moments we have now, and the people around us. Certainly, no matter what/who that we bid farewell to, there’s bound to be another door open. It’s the faith and belief that got us going everyday. Wish everyone best in life.
@wchingya
social media/blogging
@Alana: Thanks I’m glad you enjoyed the article!
@ Ching Ya: Great words of wisdom Ching. We should always treasure the current moment!
Good bye Bud! Take care!
Ah, saying goodbye. I too have had a recent “goodbye” to my boyfriend because of distance and going our separate ways. It’s anything but easy…
I like your steps and the last one has helped me the most in knowing that when one door closes another one opens. Especially in our case as we’re still young and have much change and growth to go through. Thanks for sharing and being honest, great post!
Hi Bud, I’m sorry to hear about your departure with your girlfriend, and at the same time believe that it will open up new pathways for yourself. It’s amazing that you can keep such a level head in such a situation, and the maturity at your age. Congratulations on your graduation and for sure we’ll be by your side as you continue your journey of life into university
Hope you feel better, yo.
Bud, you surprised me a lot with these posts, but less and less as you wrote more and more. You’ve grown into quite the philosophical individual, and you’re right about all this. I think it’s very good you’ve addressed what we’re all feeling, or what will have felt or will feel. Saying goodbye happens a lot, but you’re right that every hello is worth it.
Hey man, this is great! I have been struggling now that my time has come to move to Tennessee for college. Saying goodbye is really hard but your post helped me. Hope all is well there and I hope to see you soon Bud
Bud,
I enjoyed reading this post very much. Like Alana said, you’ve summed up the plethora of emotions I feel and helped me cope with them. I hope you continue to write, and I hope you visit Shanghai in the future!
thanks, such a touching post with really amazing advise. i dont know if youve realised but this has the potential, and seems to already have, made lots of people feel so much better.