Party Crashing 101: How To Crash A Pity Party
December 30th, 2009
I have a confession.
For the last month or so I’ve been throwing a hugggeee party. No, not one of those excessively extravagant college parties filled with ridiculous amounts of alcohol, but rather a party with one guest, myself.
This party, being perfectly honest, has well, left me miserable. Like many of you, I of course, never intend to host a party, but sometimes things just pile up. Ah… the power of pity parties.
Maybe you find yourself fed up with working a job you dislike. Or perhaps you just broke up with the person who you thought was your soul mate. Maybe you’re not living up to your own personal expectations. The truth is, with influential guests such as “negativity” and “I feel sorry for myself” making regular appearances, it’s often easy to be lured into the infamous party we all is know is never good. Do you remember when you threw your last pity party?
Although, I consider myself a very optimistic person, I too have my moments of self doubt. For the past month or so, I’ve struggled with the changing status of relationships that have helped mold me into the person I am today. I’ve wrestled with my new identity as an adult, and I’ve spent a great amount of time in the rewarding yet certainly draining reflection process.
New surroundings, new freedoms, and new relationships can be a bit overwhelming. Especially when it’s so easy to cling to the foundations of the past. Having recently thrown a “nice” sympathy bash for myself, I know what it’s like to feel like nothings going right. I know what it’s like to feel like you’re all alone. I say this not to be dramatic but only to show I’m human. And although we sometimes enjoy wallowing in our own self pity, fighting the doubts within ourselves is never easy.
The majority of us spend far to much time throwing pity parties for ourselves rather than seeing the beauty in life. Pity parties? Here’s how to crash them.
Raise Your Party Standards
Why would you ever waste your time attending a party where you don’t feel needed or loved? Realize that when you throw yourself a pity party you’re blocking abundance. Believe and know that you deserve better and that is what will be given in return. I realize this isn’t always easy, but as with all things, practice helps.
Don’t throw a single moment away at a party that isn’t helping you grow. Don’t be deluded into thinking negativity and self doubt are your friends. They aren’t. They’re simply parasites hoping to extract all the energy they possibly can. The longer you hang around them the weaker you become. Drinking from the punch bowl spiked with sadness is never any fun.
As you raise your party standards you will soon notice that you don’t have time to wallow in your own self pity. Raising your standards doesn’t mean there won’t be times of sadness or self doubt, but it will enable you to move past inevitable road blocks with as little friction as possible. The venue of a pity party is in your mind, therefore in an instant the party can be crashed.
The more time you spend consciously looking to see the beauty in life the less time you will spend looking for ways to stay miserable. Raise your party standards and your self doubts will soon grow weak.
Check Your Emotions At The Door
Regardless of where you are, negativity and self doubt are going to show up. Negativity? Kick his ass out. “Woe is me”? You’re above that. Don’t become intoxicated by shots pessimism, flush them out by remembering that you are loved. As I’ve said before, this isn’t always easy, but do your best to express your courage within.
Checking your emotions at the door doesn’t mean to shove them in the coat closet and forget about them. Doing so will only leave you freezing on the walk home. You must accept your emotions whether they be good or bad. Your emotions only contain as much power as you lend.
Checking your emotions doesn’t require that you give power to them. Emotions are just that, emotions. Sour feelings only turn disastrous when you let them guide you. When you become aware of your emotions you keep yourself in the drivers seat.
The last few weeks have been a very emotional time for me for a variety of reasons. Yet instead of rejecting the feelings I’ve felt, I’ve done my best at accepting them for what they are. While this process is often difficult it accelerates the period of self doubt.
Don’t expect to be perfect. Your emotions will sometimes get the best of you. Remember this is part of the process. When you first begin driving you don’t expect to be amazing, the same should go for when you’re learning to deal with your emotions. Many of us are never taught the proper way to deal with our emotions and instead lock them away until the pressure builds and creates a gigantic blast of negative smog.
Start today by checking your emotions at the door.
Decide You Want To Leave
If you find yourself stuck throwing yourself a pity party realize you are 100 percent responsible for continuing to stay. Where did the pity party originate? Was it your family? Your friends? Of course not. You, and only you can decide whether to throw a pity party. If you throw one, and the guests (many of them rude) arrive, you have no to look to but yourself.
While feeling miserable is easy, crashing a party requires effort. To overcome the low points in your life you must make the decision to fully commit to rise above. Deciding to leave your pity party is a necessity.
When you throw yourself a pity party you’re often under the illusion that it will make things better, but in reality it only perpetuates the real problem. All bandages, no matter how strong, break.
Over the years, I’ve thrown many pity parties, in which self doubt often stared as the DJ. However it wasn’t until I realized I had the power to crash my own party that I became more aware of the affect my thinking had on my life.
Pity parties don’t attract change, they simply fortify the demons that you’re afraid of. When you focus on what you don’t have you block the sun which leaves you no light to see that in which you do. Why wait until you’re drunk off misery before leaving a party in which you had no intention of going to? The earlier you decide to leave the better.
Better Parties Await
It’s safe to say you’ve been a host of a few pity parties throughout your life, maybe you’re throwing one right now, or perhaps you may even consider yourself a party regular. Regardless of your current situation, there’s always room to improve.
You can throw yourself as many pity parties as you want but it’s never going to make your life any better. Eventually, (usually after lots of needless suffering) you will realize that contentment, and that happiness, all are only a few thoughts away.
Instead of throwing a pity party for yourself, take a moment and to make an honest assessment of your current situation. Is it really that bad? Often times we sabotage ourselves in hopes of gaining sympathy from our family and friends. Yet when we do this we simply block abundance from coming into our lives. One moment of clarity can save an endless amount of misery.
If you’re sad be sad. If you’re upset be upset. But don’t waste your time throwing a party when it’s not truly needed.
Pity party’s are no fun. Crashing them however, now that’s a different story. Throw yourself the party you know you deserve. Better parties await.
There's nothing wrong with feeling sorry for yourself every once in a while. We need these moments of self reflection to realize our limitations and our room for growth. However, it's important to recognize the negativity you're dwelling in so you can take action towards a more positive mindset. Keep the pity parties on a timeline so after a while you can make the effort towards feeling better.
excellent post, but time for a new one. otherwise, i'll think you're still at the party! ;) call me and let's get going again. i've been very generous.
It is always a pleasure reading your posts Bud. You are young, but incredibly wise. I especially love this line, "Realize that when you throw yourself a pity party you’re blocking abundance."
Ouch! As of now I'm in the middle of my pity party where I'm despondently mired in negativity. Good thing I've read this post, I guess I have to leave this party immediately, it has been a poison to my soul. :-)
Hi Bud, super post. Self-Doubt has many friends that always come with him, namely, Fear and Insecurity. They seem to travel in threesome, really, and ALWAYS spoil the party. I agree that crashing that party or breaking it up takes work (it would be nice if it were easier!) but it's always worth it. Cheers, Miche :)
Encouraging post Bud. I read "hugggeee" and at first I pronounced it "huggies" (like the diaper). Then I realized you meant "huge" as in big. So this post gave me a laugh too as I realized my mistake. Good way to start 2010.
I agree about keeping bad and negative emotions out of the door, a party should always be fun, not a constriction.
Yeah, you definitely shouldn't be going to that kind of party. I find that if I approach bad situations Stoically - embrace them, in fact, as learning experiences! - the pity parties are a lot less likely to materialize. It's kind of strange..when something really bad happens these days, I find myself laughing immediately and reflexively. It's almost like I've responded positively to enough badness that my physical response is one that acknowledges a very important fact: today's dramas are tomorrow's comedies. What is so vital and sad now will just be another story tomorrow. This too shall pass, as the kids say (I don't actually know any kids who say that..I just like to say 'as the kids say'). Here's to more parties of the fun/dancy/naked Twister variety in 2010, and fewer that involve music by Bright Eyes and dark eye makeup!
I can resonate with everything you've written. We all go through the same phases, but it feels like we're the only ones going through them. Nicely paradoxical. I think you're right on that emotions have the power you give them. A lot of people don't know that allowing the fear and bad emotions into your body is what makes them go away. The resistance is what keeps them there. Allow yourself to feel sorry for yourself fully and be completely present.
Bud, For a young man, you are a very old soul. I'm very impressed by what you have done here. Looking forward to following you. I wonder where you'll be in 10 years. I have written your name down in my book of reminders to looking up later in life.
Jeez Bud, I guess this gives a whole new meaning to "bringing the party". Hell, we ARE the party - and we determine just what kind of party we're gonna be. Ace post, my friend.